Peeing outside….

I find peeing outside therapeutic… without the doctor’s bill. There is something about going outside in the dark and listening to the sounds of the night just before going to bed. I was however almost killed once while engaged in the a fore mentioned activity. My two dogs, Nilla, and Taco would know of my nightly activities and would leap for glee upon my exit of the back door. On one particular night they greeted me then ran into the far corner of the yard barking and carrying on. There was no moon this night but the sky was brilliant from the glow of millions of stars. I could hear the dogs as they ran in my direction. What I saw in the dimly lit yard approaching me was however too tall for either of my canine friends. To my amazement what passed by me close enough to touch was an adult deer being pursued by my two dogs. I could feel the wind on my skin as the animal whisked by, mere inches from my frozen statue. I was like a man that had gazed on the face of Medusa, frozen in stone and unable to move. Whether I was frozen by an instinctual awareness that if I moved I could die or just dumb luck I have often wondered. I have also wondered what the headlines might have been had I been ran over and killed had the deer continued on. The evidence of a man found dead from head and chest trauma while holding his manhood would surely pricked the curiosity of authorities. (pun intended) Would my ex have been investigated seeing as there would have been no evidence towards anything but foul play?

Watering the grass as I will call it seems to be universal among men living in rural areas. It transcends economic, ethnic, and racial lines. Not that I, or we speak of this often. I would say it is discussed less frequently than football and more frequently than say flower arrangements. Once when my Grandson was visiting he and I were in the yard playing catch when he informed me he had to go pee. I instructed him as any well meaning Grandfather would to chose a tree and water it. I was informed that “it” might get into the water supply flow downstream to the ocean and kill the dolphins. What kind of twisted advice brought on this kind of thinking? After much lecturing on the need to not to waste 3 gallons of water needed to flush a toilet as my Dad had me. He continued into the house to relieve himself. This was a shock to my psyche. I had never before encountered thinking so foreign before. I wondered if this was the result of too much TV, video games, or the liberal news media. Perhaps we need a new class in kindergarten “Peeing 101”.

til next time,


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